To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT