Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT