Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Half the people you know are below average.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT