If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Clones are people two.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT