Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT