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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.

Steve Martin

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Funny Myself Sex Woman Yourself
It’s pain that changes our lives.
STEVE MARTIN

Change Live One Liner Ourselves Pain
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
STEVE MARTIN

Criticize Himself Man Walk Way Yourself
I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
STEVE MARTIN

Breathe Business Mistake Myself Worst
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTIN

Kiss Man Sex Start Talk Yourself
The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
STEVE MARTIN

Cheerful Happiness Play Sad Yourself
I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
STEVE MARTIN

Creation Enjoyment Flow Goodness Myself Right Word
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
STEVE MARTIN

Beautiful Believe Money Myself Natural Sex
I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTIN

Body Funny Home Myself Play Stay Woman
Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
STEVE MARTIN

Different Evolution Human Walk
How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTIN

Deep Hands People Question Voice
Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
STEVE MARTIN

Act Actor Collaboration Team Work Yourself
Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
STEVE MARTIN

Ability Element Natural Necessary Quality Yourself
I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
STEVE MARTIN

Astrology Believe Luck Myself
I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
STEVE MARTIN

Believe Foreign Freedom Liberty Myself Rule
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTIN

Honesty Myself Pay Work

I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.

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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.

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