I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTINI started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
STEVE MARTIN -
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
STEVE MARTIN






