I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTINIt’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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There’s no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
STEVE MARTIN