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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
STEVE MARTIN

Cheerful Happiness Play Sad Yourself
Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
STEVE MARTIN

Business Happiness Person Surprise Try Yourself
I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
STEVE MARTIN

Cook Fire Hairs Match Mischief Myself Start
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
STEVE MARTIN

Day Life Myself Past Present
I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTIN

Body Funny Home Myself Play Stay Woman
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN

Destruction Funny Philosophy
It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
STEVE MARTIN

Philosophy Thinking Yourself
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTIN

Honesty Myself Pay Work
You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
STEVE MARTIN

Boredom Comfortable Work Yourself
Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Business Perspective Teach
I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
STEVE MARTIN

Growth Old Thinking Yourself
I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Eat Exercise Funny Myself Right
I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
STEVE MARTIN

Drink Myself Price Try
Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
STEVE MARTIN

Goodness Inspirational Motivational Perseverance Substitute Talent Thankful
Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
STEVE MARTIN

Expectation Inspirational Motivational Room Yourself
There’s no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.
STEVE MARTIN

Audience Better Drive Inspirational Learning Motivational Terrorism Yourself

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