Funny Quotes
I know I’m pretty, but I ain’t as pretty as a couple of titties.
Gary OldmanGary Oldman We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing!
Benjamin FranklinBenjamin Franklin If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx [On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that’s much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker God always answers prayers. Sometimes it’s ‘yes.’ Sometimes the answer is ‘no.’ Sometimes it’s ‘you gotta be kidding.
Jimmy CarterJimmy Carter A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker I have this great test to see if a girl’s a real friend. When we’re shopping I’ll pick out an outfit that I know looks hot and one that is awful. If my friend says the bad one looks good, I know she’s not a good friend.
Paris HiltonParis Hilton It’s funny to see the people connect with Fast & Furious the way they do. I had no clue, I didn’t get it. And now, more I get it and I see it.
Paul WalkerPaul Walker Something feels funny. I must be thinking too hard.
A. A. MilneA. A. Milne The only negativity I need in my life right now is a COVID test.
Carla StokesCarla Stokes The funny thing is, the more you know, the more passionate you feel about life, and the more joy you feel, and the more inspired you feel, but then also the more disgusted you are with humanity […] [this is] the paradox of life.
MadonnaMadonna Fashion is made to become unfashionable.
Coco ChanelCoco Chanel Do not tell jokes that ain’t funny.
Abel StarcAbel Starc I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn’t be able to see my feet.
Katy PerryKaty Perry I was in total shock. I work so close [to home] that I figured I’d return to work and the baby nurse would bring the baby to me, and I’d run home periodically, and I’d make it work. But every two hours? That’s a whole other level. I’ll have to make a nursery at the office.
Ivanka TrumpIvanka Trump A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
H. L. MenckenH. L. Mencken