“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

It was written without fear and without research.

This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.

There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.

I once received a cape that was made from the little purple bags that Crown Royal Whisky comes in.

After moral poisoning, one requires physical remedies and a bottle of champagne.

Many times drugs and alcohol – there’s a technical term that they’re called, emotional suppressants – are the only things that can help a person survive and get through and be able to deal with their pain.

I’m high off the indo creepin’ with the quickness to the cut, bust one to his head while he munches on that donut.

My justification is that most people my age spend a lot of time thinking about what they’re going to do for the next five or ten years. The time they spend thinking about their life, I just spend drinking.

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

Romance is a dream. I can get better shit at the liquor store.