“A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.”

What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.

There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

There’s always a better word than a swear word.

I had never given much thought to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love doesn’t seem like such a bad way to go.

There’s quite a lot of bad stuff written about me. My wife even says a lot of bad stuff about me. But she is wonderful.

In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.

To be honest, Im a little tired of playing bad guys. I long to do a comedy. But it was fun knocking Indiana Jones around.

Everyone has influence, for good or bad, upon others.

I was bad, but I was one of the kids that never got caught. If anyone ever knew I did something, it was because I told them. ‘Cause I’m a really good liar, so I end up snitching on myself.

I have a bad memory for facts.