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I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

Dorothy Parker

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
DOROTHY PARKER

Excitement Fortune Irritation
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.
DOROTHY PARKER

Language No Talk Woman
It’s not the tragedies that kill us; it’s the messes.
DOROTHY PARKER

Kill Mess Myself Tragedy
Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I’ll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!
DOROTHY PARKER

Future Love Past Seek Sorrow
Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
DOROTHY PARKER

Armor Protection Safety Weapon
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.
DOROTHY PARKER

Friendship Greatness Happiness Present Writing Young
Women and elephants never forget.
DOROTHY PARKER

Animal Forget Funny Woman
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.
DOROTHY PARKER

Creativity Discipline Eyes Mindset Wild
There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
DOROTHY PARKER

Distance Hell Simplicity Sports Truth Word
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
DOROTHY PARKER

Appearance Beautiful Greatness Healing Myself Time
Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
DOROTHY PARKER

Change Funny Life Myself Oneself Sex Story
It was written without fear and without research.
DOROTHY PARKER

Fear Research Writing
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
DOROTHY PARKER

Action Hate Hell Identity Love Myself Yourself
You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.
DOROTHY PARKER

Action Responsibility Yourself
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER

Dance End Surprise Woman Young
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
DOROTHY PARKER

Deep God Himself Money People Thinking
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
DOROTHY PARKER

Best Books Hands Myself Run
If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
DOROTHY PARKER

Feeling Hurt Necessary Yourself
All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
DOROTHY PARKER

Enough Friendship Need Room
The only dependable law of life – everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.
DOROTHY PARKER

Depend Law Life Thinking Worst Yourself
This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
DOROTHY PARKER

Fools Myself Sorry Touch
But I don’t give up; I forget why not.
DOROTHY PARKER

Forget Give Up Inspirational Myself One Liner
There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
DOROTHY PARKER

Funny Life Study Theft Yourself
Of Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
DOROTHY PARKER

Death God
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.
DOROTHY PARKER

Drink Food Funny Myself
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
DOROTHY PARKER

Appearance Fashion Funny Love Sex
The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKER

Food Forever People

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

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I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

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