“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Now, look, baby, ‘Union’ is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

It’s not the tragedies that kill us; it’s the messes.

Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.

You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money.

Friends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.

Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.

Victory is very, very sweet. It tastes better than any dessert you’ve ever had.

I am a bad, wicked man, but I am practicing moral self-purification; I don’t eat meat any more, I now eat rice cutlets.

Bake at any time. Lick the chocolate from the bowl. Lessons from my Nan.

It doesn’t even matter if I don’t win a self-gold – after every meet, I have pizza. Pepperoni pizza.

I spend a lot of time in the gym training, and Core Power is a great fit for my nutritional needs.

Man cannot live by bread alone. Man after all is composed of intellect and soul.

I have practice from 9 A.M. to 12 P.M., and then I drive home and eat lunch, which is either chicken or fish so I get the protein.

If we are going to ask for our daily bread, we’ve got to take the time to receive it and eat it. God provide, but we’ve got to slow down long enough to taste and see.