People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.
DOROTHY PARKERI require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
More Dorothy Parker Quotes
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His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.
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Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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And I’ll stay off Verlaine too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.
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I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.
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Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
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If I didn’t care for fun and such, I’d probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.
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If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
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If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
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Of Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
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There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
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The only “ism” Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
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Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.
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The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
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The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?
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There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
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This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
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Should they whisper false of you, Never trouble to deny; Should the words they say be true, Weep and storm and say they lie.
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Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
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They tire of quiet, that have known the storm
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You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.
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Where unwilling dies the rose; buds the new another year.
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The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
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The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
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You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
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I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
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I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
DOROTHY PARKER