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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Dorothy Parker

People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.
DOROTHY PARKER

Death People Young
His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.
DOROTHY PARKER

Bed Himself Voice
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
DOROTHY PARKER

Myself Tone View Voice
And I’ll stay off Verlaine too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.
DOROTHY PARKER

Himself Run Stay
I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.
DOROTHY PARKER

Money Myself Wealth
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
DOROTHY PARKER

Appearance Beautiful Greatness Healing Myself Time
If I didn’t care for fun and such, I’d probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.
DOROTHY PARKER

Care Fun Myself Stay
If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
DOROTHY PARKER

Feeling Hurt Necessary Yourself
If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER

End Surprise Woman
Of Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
DOROTHY PARKER

Death God
There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
DOROTHY PARKER

Distance Hell Simplicity Sports Truth Word
The only “ism” Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
DOROTHY PARKER

Cheating Hollywood Reality
Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.
DOROTHY PARKER

Genius Material Talent Writing
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
DOROTHY PARKER

Boredom Curious Deep
The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?
DOROTHY PARKER

Clean Professional Way Writing
There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
DOROTHY PARKER

Funny Life Study Theft Yourself
This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
DOROTHY PARKER

Fools Myself Sorry Touch
Should they whisper false of you, Never trouble to deny; Should the words they say be true, Weep and storm and say they lie.
DOROTHY PARKER

Deny Fake Lying Storm Trouble
Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
DOROTHY PARKER

Armor Protection Safety Weapon
They tire of quiet, that have known the storm
DOROTHY PARKER

Quiet Storm
You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.
DOROTHY PARKER

Old Teaching Trick Yourself
Where unwilling dies the rose; buds the new another year.
DOROTHY PARKER

Death Growth Rose Willing
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
DOROTHY PARKER

Appearance Fashion Lost Myself
The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKER

Food Forever People
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
DOROTHY PARKER

Herself Leadership Thinking Yourself
I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
DOROTHY PARKER

End Happiness History Human Willing
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
DOROTHY PARKER

Best Books Hands Myself Run

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

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