“Of Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.”

Friends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.

Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.

I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

It was written without fear and without research.

This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.

There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

A man thinks he is dying for his country,” said Anatole France, “but he is dying for a few industrialists.” But even that is saying too much. What one dies for is not even so substantial and tangible as an industrialist.

All places are alike, and every earth is fit for burial.

If you don’t know where you are currently standing, you’re dead.

Remember that you have only one soul; that you have only one death to die; that you have only one life. . . . If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing.

The only people who don’t have problems are in a cemetery.

Among the many signs of a lively faith and hope we have in eternal life, one of the surest is not being overly sad at the death of those whom we dearly love in our Lord.

Darkness, that here surrounds our purblind understanding, will vanish at the dawning of eternal day.

This is your life – you must die by yourself, so for heaven’s sake, live for yourself and no one else.