“Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.”

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

I hate writing, I love having written.

Los Angeles: Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

But I don’t give up; I forget why not.

[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that’s much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

A liberal is a man who leaves the room before the fight starts.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

A girl’s best friend is her mutter.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination

Genius is seldom recognized for what it is: a great capacity for hard work.

All children in some form or another have genius; the trick is to bring it out in them.

Genius is patience.

I wanted to show the fans that we were inside the mind of a lyrical maniacal genius

Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out.

A genius is a talented person who does his homework.