“It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.”

There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

I entertain no doubts as to the truth of the transfinites, which I have recognized with God’s help.

Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.

I learned how important it is to entertain people and give them a reason to come and watch you play.

Don’t just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it.

Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn’t carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.

Children want the same things we want. To laugh, to be challenged, to be entertained, and delighted.

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.

We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public.