Funny Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Funny with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Funny quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

Going through a rough break-up? Nothing a little dance party with friends can’t ease.
SELENA GOMEZ

Break Up Dance Friendship Funny Party Rough
It’s funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.
J. D. SALINGER

Funny Understand
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Homeless Humour Naked Shell
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
BILL COSBY

Carry Children End Funny Name
A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.”
MITCH HEDBERG

Climate Funny Humor Men
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
ADAM FERRARA

Ask Day Friend Funny Girl Humor Life Man One Relationship Time
The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn’t any.
MARILYN MONROE

Breast Censor Funny Girl Trouble Worry
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
ADAM FERRARA

Biggest Funny Girl Girlfriend Humor Life Love Now Right Thing
I enjoy it when it’s over! I enjoy whatever success we have. If an audience finds it funny, then it’s been worth it.
ROWAN ATKINSON

Audience Enjoyment Funny Success Worth
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
YOGI BERRA

Funny Worth
The telephone will be used to inform people that a telegram has been sent.
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL

Funny People Travel
Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.
DALAI LAMA

Break Funny Humour Inspirational One Liner Rules
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
H. L. MENCKEN

Funny Heaven Humor Person Place
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
GERTRUDE STEIN

Funny Happiness Money Shop
Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life saying the right thing at the right time is beyond crucial.
TAYLOR SWIFT

Beyond Crucial Funny Life Reality Right Time
Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.
H. L. MENCKEN

Freedom Funny Limitation Oneself Politics
Whisky is liquid sunshine.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Alcohol Funny Liquid One Liner Sunshine Whisky
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Laughter
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny House Humour Place Stuff
One fool can ask more questions in a minute than 12 wise men can answer in an hour.
VLADIMIR LENIN

Fools Funny Oneself Wisdom
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Amateur Funny Hell Music One Liner
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA

Celebrate Celebration Day Earth Easter Egg Favorite Funny Holiday Jesus Rabit
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA

Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
MITCH HEDBERG

Death Fake Funny Plant Sarcastic
Everybody has a different idea of love. One girl I know said, “I knew he loved me when de didn’t come in my mouth.
ANDY WARHOL

Different Funny Ideas Love Myself Relationship Sex
I know many of you thought that I would be retiring today, but if I was ever going to announce my retirement it would not be in a downtown Los Angeles hotel with this fairly ugly carpet.
MARIA SHARAPOVA

Appearance Funny Myself Place Retirement Thinking Ugly
I’m smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.
MEGAN FOX

Conservation Funny Interesting Smart

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