Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARABeing in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA