“Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’”

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.

I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.

I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.

The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!

You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

I was a great dreamer of day dreams.

Begin, be bold, and venture to be wise, He who defers this work from day to day, Does on a river’s bank expecting stay

Memory was supposed to fill the time, but it made time a hole to be filled. Each second was two hundred yards, to be walked, crawled. You couldn’t see the next hour, it was so far in the distance. Tomorrow was over the horizon, and would take an entire day to reach.

I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.

I hope some future day will bring me the happiness of seeing my family again collected under our own roof, happy in ourselves and blessed in each other.

It’s never really fun to have to cry in a scene, or anything like that. I just try to put myself in the characters position, and that helps. It’s never really fun, but at the same time

Tidy a little a day and you’ll be tidying forever.

Happy World Poetry Day: ‘The American identity has never been a singular one and the voices of poets invariably sing, in addition to their own, the voices of those around them.