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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

Adam Ferrara

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
ADAM FERRARA

Funny God Going Hell Humor Know Reason Woman
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman
I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
ADAM FERRARA

Bed Boogie Funny Hurt Man Middle Night Pop Running Under
As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA

Baby Bizarre Down Funny Good Humor Most Mouth
There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
ADAM FERRARA

Alright Animal Dating Dinner Funny Go Kingdom Movie No Quick Sniff
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
ADAM FERRARA

Chicken Father Funny Kiss Once Room Sex Talk Walked You
The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
ADAM FERRARA

Born Change Constant Decay Fall Funny Humor Minute State
I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
ADAM FERRARA

Arrogance Civilization Demise Human Thinking
There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
ADAM FERRARA

Broke Difference Funny Humor Kiss Reason Religious Room Up Walked
My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA

Bedroom Big Daddy Huge Man Pop Running
You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARA

Away Country List Mailing Month People Relative Thing Wife
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA

Bed Feel Forever Go Like Soul
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
ADAM FERRARA

Biggest Funny Girl Girlfriend Humor Life Love Now Right Thing
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
ADAM FERRARA

Ask Day Friend Funny Girl Humor Life Man One Relationship Time
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA

Come Conquest Driven Ego Funny Humor Lie Lying Sexual Tend
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
ADAM FERRARA

Beautiful Caulk Funny Girl Hollywood Silicon Sink
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Happiness Happy Humor Important Ladies Touch
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Girl Humor Meant Meet Sincerely Sleep
Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARA

Friend Funny Humor Important Need Sex Story Tell
I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
ADAM FERRARA

Every Funny Hour Humor Like Magazine Man Three
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA

Celebrate Celebration Day Earth Easter Egg Favorite Funny Holiday Jesus Rabit
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA

Bathroom Funny Humor. Trying Make Nice Night Now Thing Use
I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
ADAM FERRARA

Ability Emotional Environment Funny Gift Girlfriend Love Sex Truly Woman Wrong
I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
ADAM FERRARA

Ability Car Father Job Light Mechanical Pretty Used Work
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Girlfriend Hope Marriage Married Meet Nice She Someone Tell You
You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA

Build End Energy Fight Funny Humor Negative Screaming Stupid Up
I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
ADAM FERRARA

Boy Cutting Give Home Jewelry Married Mood Ring Wedding

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

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