“You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘”

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.

I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.

The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!

You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

Divinity is in its omniscience and omnipotence like a wheel, a circle, a whole, that can neither be understood, nor divided, nor begun nor ended.

I don’t have time for hobbies. At the end of the day, I treat my job as a hobby. It’s something I love doing.

Having a higher purpose is more than just about profits. You actually end up making more profits in the long run because employees really are a lot more engaged and customers see the higher purpose in the company.

Greatness comes by beginning something that doesn’t end with you.

Change is hardest at the beginning, messiest in the middle and best at the end.

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start.

And if it ends today, know that it was without a doubt, always you.

I will try one hundred times to get up, and if I fail one hundred times. If I fail and I give up, will I ever get up? No! If I fail I’ll try again, and again and again. But I want to tell you it’s not the end.