My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
ADAM FERRARAIf you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
ADAM FERRARA