“I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.”

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.

I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.

I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.

The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!

You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

I didn’t have a lot to do with the first record.

A lot of people say I’m an overnight success, but it’s an overnight success that’s been twelve years in the making.

I made a lot of people laugh, made a lot of people cry in a good way, brought a lot of joy to people, picked up a lot of garbage. And in all those years, I saw a lot. I went to foreign lands. I met interesting people. And I got it!

A lot of my heroes are artists and a lot of my musical heroes have an artistic side.

I think, a lot of people, it’s the goal to be in movies or just to be working in general. But yeah, some of us get lucky and get some movie roles, and it’s nice.

You’re still trying to figure out what the things are that you are going to talk about, what your angle is going to be and there’s a lot of trial and error.

My pitching philosophy is simpe. I believe in getting the ball over the plate and not walking a lot of men.

A lot of people want to change the world, but only a few people want to change themselves. When it comes to the issue of race in America, we have to do both.