My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARAThe girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
ADAM FERRARA