The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
ADAM FERRARAI sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
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I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA