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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’

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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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