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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.

Norm MacDonald

Few people love with the violence they hate.
NORM MACDONALD

Hate Love People Philosophy Violence
They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALD

Afraid Dog Funny Identity Myself Reality Worry
I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
NORM MACDONALD

Difference Fight Fun Myself See
Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
NORM MACDONALD

Activity Ambition Energy Greatness Happiness
Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
NORM MACDONALD

Game Man Money Sick Win Yourself
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
NORM MACDONALD

Dog Funny Material Myself Protection Value
The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
NORM MACDONALD

Ego Expression Imitation Joy Opinion Person Satisfaction See Worth
Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
NORM MACDONALD

Acknowledgement Hypocrisy Shame
Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
NORM MACDONALD

Advice Man Opinion
They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
NORM MACDONALD

Behavior Fate Fools Ignorance Tragedy
You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
NORM MACDONALD

Best Dreams Goodness Life Right Wake Up Yourself
Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
NORM MACDONALD

Dog Friendship Funny Home Ideas Man See Thrill Walk Yourself
All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALD

Death Life Money Myself People Thinking Try
$Norm MacDonald Quote - In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.$

In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALD

Mathematics Opinion Stupidity Subject Teacher Yourself
Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
NORM MACDONALD

Battle Day Death Funny Hospital Man Myself Old Sick
I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALD

Ideas Memories Myself Reality Strong Word

It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.

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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.

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Popular Authors

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