Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALDFew people love with the violence they hate.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
NORM MACDONALD