Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
NORM MACDONALDFew people love with the violence they hate.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
NORM MACDONALD






