There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
NORM MACDONALDFew people love with the violence they hate.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALD