Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
NORM MACDONALDThey that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
NORM MACDONALD






