Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
NORM MACDONALDThey that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
NORM MACDONALD