I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALDThey that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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