Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
NORM MACDONALDA lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
NORM MACDONALD






