Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
NORM MACDONALDIf you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
NORM MACDONALD