You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
NORM MACDONALDIf you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD






