There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
NORM MACDONALDIn estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
NORM MACDONALD






