I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
NORM MACDONALDIn estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
NORM MACDONALD






