Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
MITCH HEDBERGIs a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
More Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
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One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.
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I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
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Every picture of you is when you were younger.
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I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
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If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.
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A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
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If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
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I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music,’ as though there’s any other way to take it in. ‘You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too, I tried to taste it, but it did not work’.
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I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, “I’ll just get a tan instead.”
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I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.
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I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.
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I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘what?’ and turn my head slightly.
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When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?
MITCH HEDBERG