• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

Mitch Hedberg

Related Topics

FunnyHumor

Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Prevoius| Next

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes

• 

  I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyGuyHumor
• 

  If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  AnimalFunnyHumorRunning
• 

  I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add “er”.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorJobs
• 

  I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”

  MITCH HEDBERG
  AirFunnyHumor
• 

  I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, “I’ll just get a tan instead.”

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorTeeth
• 

  An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  BreakFunnyStairs
• 

  If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  DrunkFunnyHumorMess
• 

  I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorLanguageWord
• 

  I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  DreamFunnyLifeSex
• 

  When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn’t get out, something is seriously wrong.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyGuyHumorSeriousWrong
• 

  My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  DeathFakeFunnyPlantSarcastic
• 

  Pepperidge Farm bread. That’s fancy bread. You can tell it’s fancy because it’s wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it. I don’t need another step between me and toast.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FoodFunnyHumorNeed
• 

  Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  DogFunnyHumor
• 

  I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music,’ as though there’s any other way to take it in. ‘You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too, I tried to taste it, but it did not work’.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorMusicPhilosophy
• 

  I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorWay
• 

  I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorPeople