At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERSMoving on is a gift you give yourself.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERS -
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERS -
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
JOAN RIVERS -
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS -
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS -
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS -
My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
JOAN RIVERS -
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERS -
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS