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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Hell Herself Mom Myself
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS

Alone Company Myself
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS

Better One Liner Sex
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS

Advice Myself Race Run Yourself
Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
JOAN RIVERS

Enough Thankful Yourself
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS

Forget Herself Movie Remember Role
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Humor Husband Marriage Myself
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny God Himself
With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Female Need Wisdom Yourself
Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
JOAN RIVERS

Angry Comedy Yourself
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS

Fun Right Yourself
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Act Listening Rule Survive Thinking Yourself
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Man Mistake Woman
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERS

Animal Born Mom Oneself
Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
JOAN RIVERS

Goodness Hands Library Look Men Woman
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Book Fashion Myself Woman

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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