black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

Joan Rivers

Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Gift Move On Yourself
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERS

Enjoyment Philosophy Yourself
Old age is always ten years more than we are.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Old Reality
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERS

Animal Born Mom Oneself
I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERS

Change Loose Money Myself
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERS

Herself Oneself People Rebel Thinking Woman
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS

Alone Company Myself
Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
JOAN RIVERS

Husband Love Myself Pain Sex Tough Wild
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS

Darkness Hard Time Optimism Positive Present Success Thinking
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS

Appearance Body Fat Food Medicine
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Fashion Myself Respect Woman
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Run Smile Time
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Book Fashion Myself Woman
There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
JOAN RIVERS

Book Different Education Help Misfortune
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS

Better One Liner Sex

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Joan Rivers Quotes