I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERSLife goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
JOAN RIVERS