If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERSLife goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS






