To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERSI said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS