When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
JOAN RIVERSI said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS