Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERSI said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
JOAN RIVERS -
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
JOAN RIVERS -
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
JOAN RIVERS -
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
JOAN RIVERS