Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
JOAN RIVERSI said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERS -
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS -
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS -
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERS -
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS -
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS