If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERSYou know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
JOAN RIVERS