We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERSThe first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS