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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Joan Rivers

I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS

Born Myself Room
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS

Alone Company Myself
Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Hard Move Old Target
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS

Inspirational Memories Myself Success Talk Thinking
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS

Eat Food Yourself
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Run Smile Time
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
JOAN RIVERS

Fashion Military Ugly Yourself
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERS

Herself Oneself People Rebel Thinking Woman
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERS

Deal Laugh Yourself
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS

Advice Myself Race Run Yourself
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
JOAN RIVERS

Daughter Hate Herself Himself Myself
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Early Memories Myself Parents
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Funny Myself Toys
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
JOAN RIVERS

Bed Hate Myself Start Yourself
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS

Attraction Change Death Greatness People Place Thinking Young
Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
JOAN RIVERS

Annoy Children Talk Time Yourself

I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

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