Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNSSex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
More George Burns Quotes
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS -
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNS -
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNS -
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
GEORGE BURNS -
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS -
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS -
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE BURNS -
I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS -
This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS -
If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
GEORGE BURNS -
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
GEORGE BURNS