“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

To me absurdity is the only reality.

There’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.

Jazz isn’t dead. It just smells funny.

If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down.

We could improve worldwide mental health if we acknowledged that parents can make you crazy.

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else’s life.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.

There are only two things to remember. Number one: Don’t Stop, and number two: Keep going!

You can bet everything will come to an end. It’s going to be ugly and it’s going to be a mess, and it’s going to be something that somebody did in the name of God.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

Censoring what you say is one of the ways in which people who are not nice can take away your personal freedom.