Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
FRAN LEBOWITZCalling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZ






