If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZSuccess didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
FRAN LEBOWITZ