If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZThere is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZ