If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZRemember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZ