Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
FRAN LEBOWITZRemember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZ