My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECKOne never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECK -
He who laughs lasts.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK -
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK