Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECKThe odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECK