Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
ERMA BOMBECKIt is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK