People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECKIt is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK