Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECKI worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
ERMA BOMBECK