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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.

Erma Bombeck

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Live Luck Myself Society
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
ERMA BOMBECK

Direction Food Funny Kitchen Reading Yourself
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Preparation Thankful Time
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Ideas Myself See Work
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Doctor Funny Humor Inspirational Plant
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Move Theory Yourself
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Gift Hide Price Women
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Result Stop Work
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK

Angry Book Children Family Funny Hands Kiss Myself Reading Theory Yourself
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
ERMA BOMBECK

Beginning Different Husband Vacation Wife
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECK

Doctor Funny Humor People Survive Money
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
ERMA BOMBECK

Brain Damage Funny Injury
Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK

God Help Herself Life Maguc Pregnant Time Woman
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
ERMA BOMBECK

Care Compassion Each Other Face Human Love Nation Patience Reflection
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECK

Civilization Humor Loss
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Design Fashion Human Literature Myself

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.

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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.

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Popular Authors

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